Here's to a Happy Valentine's Day made just a little bit happier by a look at the seven worst moments of celebrity relationships from 2007.
Special Edition to Hulk Hogan: You're Dumped!
It may not have quite the same kind of slacker beauty of Britney Spear's 2006 phone text informing hubby K-Fed that she was seeking a divorce, but having a reporter tell you that your wife of 23 years has petitioned for a divorce runs a close second. When contacted by a reporter from The St. Petersburg Times, Terry Bollea, aka wrestling star Hulk Hogan, first said he was "unaware" of Linda Marie Bollea's filing a court document to begin divorce proceedings. He later upgraded his "unaware" to "kinda shocked."
Runner up: Donna Hanover, who found out her marriage to New York City Mayor Rudy Guiliani was over when he announced it to the press on his doomed Senate campaign trail. That's gotta hurt.
Worst Divorce, Ever. Denise Richards, Charlie Sheen and Two and a Half Years
Charlie Sheen: drug addict, sex addict, gambling addict, and famous client of famous Heidi Fleiss. It takes quite a woman to marry an unabashed lothario like Charlie Sheen, and Denise Richards Baywatch Babe, Playboy Alumnus, and Bond Girl would seem a tailor-made Barbie to Charlie's dubious Ken. Alas, it was a marriage made not in heaven, but in the gossip pages, replete with name-calling, restraining orders, and a custody battle that would make Alec Baldwin cringe. In the Fall of 2007, Denise restricted Charlie's access to the couple's kids. The Two and a Half Men star shot back with emails wherein according to Fox News, he addresses former wife, "You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and, um, oh yeah, sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [expletive] yourself, sad, jobless pig." Nice.
Runner Up: Heather Locklear, who famously lost her husband, Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora, to BFF Denise Richards, has to be feeling a tad cheerier in the wake of this lasting brouhaha. Especially as Denise and Richie have gone splitsville their own darn selves.
Mel B's Baby Mamma Drama
There's nothing quite like having your ex-boyfriend flatly deny his paternity, except perhaps when his denial comes with a side-dish of character assassination. When Melanie Browne, also known as Mel B or "Scary Spice" of the Spice Girls, became pregnant in the summer of 2006, she had no doubt who the father was: comedian, one-hit wonder and Oscar nominee Eddie Murphy. Murphy, however, had other thoughts, telling a Dutch television company, "I don't know whose child that is until it comes out and has a blood test" and refusing to take a paternity test until the court ordered it in June, two months after baby Angel Iris Murphy Brown was born in April. The test confirmed what Mel B knew all along: Murphy is little Iris's baby-daddy. In an impressive show of absolute denial, Murphy has refused to see Iris, much less admit that she is the spawn of his loins.
Runner Up: Actress Bridget Moynahan, who found herself pregnant with New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady after the two broke up and announced her pregnancy in the gossip pages. While Brady was shocked at the announcement, he recovered nicely and attended the birth of his son John Edward Thomas Moynahan in August. Brady's current girlfriend, supermodel Gisele Bundchen responded by giving little John a onsie with the word "Supermodel" emblazoned on it. Ouch.
He's Not Gay; He's My Husband
June 11 had to have been a tough day for Suzanne Thompson, wife of Republican Senator from Idaho Larry Craig, because that was the day her husband was arrested for "lewd conduct" in a Minneapolis, Minnesota airport bathroom stall. Really, though, the whole summer had to have been pretty bad for Thompson, what with Craig first pleading guilty to a lesser charge of disorderly conduct and then later reneging his plea. And then issuing a statement he would resign from the Senate. And then failing to withdraw his guilty plea. And then refusing to resign. Pretty much, what with the media circus, the political pundits, and the talk-show hosts circling like avid vultures around the indecisive Craig you have to imagine that Thompson's summer was pretty much shot.
Runner Up: Really, too many to mention. But, ok, Gayle Haggard, whose husband, the evangelical Reverend Ted Haggard, admitted in November of 2006 visiting gay escorts and using crystal meth after being accused by Mike Jones, former escort and now author of a Haggard tell-all.
To Be Filed Under Hell Hath No Fury Like
Cameron Diaz? After a three-year relationship together, actress Diaz and her boyfriend pop-stud Justin Timberlake called it quits. At first, the break seemed boringly amiable; both stars released statements laden with words like "friendship," "respect" and "caring." Major yawn-fest. Things, however, got interesting when at a January 2007 Golden Globes after-party, Diaz saw Timberlake engaged in an intimate tote-n-tote with actress Jessica Biels. Diaz reportedly "blew up," drew ex-boyfriend Timberlake into a side room for forty minutes. Diaz left looking composed, onlookers reported, but Timberlake slammed his hand into a cabinet and walked out with his head in his hands. Cameron has remained steadfastly single; Timberlake and Biels continue to date.
Runner Up: Brandon Davis, rich guy and Paris Hilton hanger-on, who in May 2006 gave a graphic description of his ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan's "fire crotch" to a rabid pool of paparazzi. He also insulted her net worth, saying that Lohan is "worth only about $7 million, which means she's really poor."
The Hot Mess That Is Pam Anderson's Personal Life
In a category that stands alone is sex symbol, Baywatch Babe, author, magician's assistant, PETA spokeswoman and mother-of-two, Pamela Anderson and the ever-spinning circus of men who surround her. In 2006 Anderson wed rapper Kid Rock (real name Bob Ritchie) on a yacht in St. Tropez/ Three months later, they filed for divorce. Why? Because after watching Anderson's cameo in the hugely popular film Borat, Kid Rock screamed at Anderson, saying, "You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?" or so reports the New York Post. A couple months later, Kid Rock brawled with Tommy Lee, the father of Anderson's two sons and her twice-husband. But it gets better. After their divorce, Anderson announced she'd miscarried Kid Rock's child, which Kid Rock vehemently denied in October of this year. Which he did because Anderson announced her nuptials to Rick Salomon. Whom she married in October. And from whom she filed divorce papers in December. But then with whom she reunited three days later. And about whom a reality television show is planned.
Runner Up: None. Nothing even comes close.
