These days, more people are putting off the grown-up decision to marry; from 1960 to 1998, the number of unmarried, cohabiting couples increased nearly ten-fold, and Generation Xers are continuing the trend. Whether it’s the softening of the stigma of “living in sin,” laissez-faire attitudes towards committed relationships, or the affects of a generational Peter Pan complex, it seems that (at least according to our parents) we just can’t settle down, work-wise or in relationships.
So, as you take in your Sunday evening dose of HBO after an arduous but cathartic trip to Home Depot while your better half RSVPs to a friend’s 5-year-old’s birthday party, you might want to stop and ask yourself “have we already traded away the benefits of being single without reaping the rewards of marriage?”

8. You’re Thinking about Becoming Domestic Partners
Sure, you’re showing solidarity with the cause of gay marriage. Domestic partnership allows you to share health care benefits, but otherwise, it’s all the responsibility of marriage without the party. Plus it makes introductions awkward; saying “this is my partner” will just have grandma scratching her head. When you get tired of explaining this term, you’ll call each other husband or wife anyway. If you’re gonna buckle to that social pressure, then...

7. You Acquire Artwork, Furniture, or Films Together
You’ve compromised on bed firmness, you’re committed to supporting local artists, and you’ve come around to your partner’s school-girl fetish, but remain unhitched. Sorry for the cold shower, but the fact is that couples living together before marriage have a greater rate of divorce than those who did not cohabitate before marriage. The accoutrements of marriage are very nice, but so is that piece of paper that ensures the orderly divestment of the assets.

6. You Have Children…or Pets
Whether you get a barking ego puppet or mini-me, many happily-ever-after fantasies are paved on the backs of innocent bystanders. It may be crass to put these two in the same category, but both need stability if they are going to end up well-adjusted. Make a long-term commitment, or, if your relationship needs a spark, steer clear of the pound and take a vacation instead.

5. The Birthday Parties You Attend Have an Age Ratio Slanted towards the Under-10 Set..
and even those guests are asking you why you have different last names. Meanwhile, your friends have Brangelina’d you with your own personal portmanteau. Now that you have a trademark, why not have it stenciled on a couple-hundred napkins? The longer you wait, the more kids will be screaming through your nuptials.

4. Your Errands are Divided Along Gender Lines
She cooks dinner; he takes out the trash. She’s taken over clothes shopping duty from his mom, and he blames her for those pleated corduroy monstrosities he’s wearing. They’ve reverted to old tastes and habits; she watches True Blood and he’s watching baseball. They are a walking cliché. Maybe marriage enhances gender stereotypes, but if you’ve already paid that price, why not reap the tax benefit?

3. Your Friends are Already on Their First Rounds of Divorce
It’s touching that marriage as an institution has held up as well as it has. People keep doing it despite the chance that it might not be “ever after.” Never mind that many people who live together instead of marrying lived through the pain of their own parents’ divorce. You don’t want to make your friends feel bad, do you? Plus, getting divorced just has more gravitas than breaking up. It buys you another month’s crying shoulder time from your friends before they’ll send you off to the therapist.

2. Your Partner no Longer Puts up with Your Quirky Bedtime Requests
If you asked to be dominated, they tell you “Go clean the gutters!” and continue reading the paper. Then come the hallmarks of marriage: the inevitable slacking off about your appearance, and the ascendancy of the missionary position. If you’re already showing the telltale signs, you might as well get the gift loot while you can still look pretty good in the photos. Come on, slackers, you have some registering to do!

1. You Don’t Believe in Marriage
“Marriage is just a piece of paper,” you say, or “we’re committed to each other.” If you’ve managed to avoid some of the traps of marriage: fights over the mother-in-law, neglect of your own interests and friendships, or putting on an extra 15 pounds, congratulations! However, if you record cute banter on your phone message, leave each other notes on Facebook, or write a blog documenting your domestic bliss, consider whether you may be overcompensating. Marriage allows a couple to relax a bit. Maybe not everyone needs proof of commitment, but as you contribute to the breakdown of society and hasten Doomsday, don’t say I didn’t warn you.